Although, we’ve crossed into 2017, I’d like to reflect back to the last quarter of 2016, and how it affected me personally and what I learned.
As many of you experienced, October to beginning of December was extremely challenging. The energies were H-E-A-V-Y!
Here are snippets from Ann Merkaba and Vera Ingeborg’s blogs affirming this:
Anna Merkaba’s email:
“I know that this journey has been bumpy to say the least. I know that at times you were ready to give up.. Some of you are writing to me saying that you are feeling truly depressed and lost, you are feeling a pull to go home, to return where you have come from. I know exactly how you feel. The reason for all of these sensations is because you have given so much of yourself in the last four years that at times it may feel that there is nothing more left to give. All of this is normal, as we continue spiraling through ascension.”
“December 2016 has been superchallenging for many on the spiritual path. …the pain has been very intense for many – including restlessness, deep despair, frustration and anger. I have worked so hard, and what do I get? This? There is often a strong yearning to leave and give up.”
These two snippets completely summed up my experience. Yes, at times the pain and distress was so unbearable that I, too, considered ‘checking out’ and giving up my entire spiritual path.
The three most intense emotions that came up for me were: Despair, anger/rage and then FEAR! I was so overwhelmed and completely shattered one day that I gave up the struggle and got quiet, I just let it all go and said” I surrender”.
And, almost within an instant of that stillness it all came to me what was going on. I heard:
“You are experiencing the stages of grief, there is a death going on inside of you – the ego is realizing it no longer has dominance over your life and it is fighting you every inch of the way”
And, then the realization hit me: I am being whittled down to no-thing-ness. All of my ego identities or identifiers are being ‘killed’ off. Whoa! What a shock this was.
What I thought was me going ‘backwards’ or getting no where with all of my inner-work, has actually begun to pay off. (Of course, I have a long way to go, but I can now see the light in this tunnel.)
I must release my attachments to what or who I think I am in order for my True Purpose to be revealed! Of course, it all makes sense now. No wonder the last couple of years I’ve struggled to find my purpose, to get a business off the ground and to find financial peace. I still had too many ego ideas of how I was ‘supposed’ to be and do. So, now I must be stripped away of all these ideas and completely open up to being guided – fully, without attempting to manipulate and manifest what my “I’ wants.
As it stands now, I remain in a sort of still point, maybe a zero point perhaps, and I have no idea where I am going or how I will find my ‘prosperity’. What I do know, is this: I feel completely committed to stand my ground and follow my inner-truth, follow what feels right for me, no matter what! And, right now that feels like doing what I enjoy, expressing myself freely and following through with my creative ideas, regardless, if they make money or not!
The time of living an inauthentic, fearful and survival based life is over for me and for all of us! When you live in harmony with your True Nature, Nature will take care of you and we all must, MUST, begin doing this.
Stop doing what others are doing, be your Self! If you love being a mom, be THAT, if you love working at your job, do that, if you love watching the birds do that. Let those things be your mission and purpose and for goodness sake, stop trying to be the next great psychic or blogger, or light language superstar!
The universe needs your particular genius. That genius, however, is so subtle and unique but so grand in scope, that you can’t get in touch with it if you are trying to be special or like everyone else.
So, contemplate this:
If you stripped away all of your titles and doing-ness (mom, light-worker, wife, galactic being, etc.) what qualities of consciousness do you feel you are here to deliver? Then, be that!